Yesterday was one of those really tough days, that was at the end of a really tough week. Actually a really tough couple of weeks. So let me go back to the beginning and we will work up to yesterday. The Sunday before last I left for Vegas with my good friend and co-worker Ed. We went to DevConnections. He took the SQL track and I took the ASP.NET track. It was some really great and intense sessions. I learned a lot about the new ASP.NET 2.0 stuff and about Microsoft AJAX. Microsoft AJAX makes developing an AJAX application so much easier. Las Vegas is not my kind of town. The only things in town I was looking forward to were the Ansel Adams exhibit at the Bellagio. (So worth the $15) and GM The Drive (So worth the $10). Most people go to Vegas to drink, gamble, see a show and over eat. Well I don't drink, I definitely don't gamble, I have no interest in the shows and I am still trying (trying is the operative word there) to lose weight. So our evenings were in the hotel room waiting for it to be time to talk with our wives. That is how most of our week went. I missed my Beautiful Wife the whole week. I am one of those guys that are completely in love with their wife. I wrote her emails everyday, talked with her on the phone a couple times a day and it just wasn't enough. I only sleep about 4 to 5 hours a night at the most when I'm not with her. However I wasn't scheduled to get back Friday night. I had a Friday workshop that I was looking for and I was glad it was schedule last hoping that the information would really sink in. However Thursday afternoon I got a call.
The call was from Brother K, I could tell by his tone it wasn't good news. Two minutes later I get a call from Brother J, he tells me the same thing that Brother K did. Grandma K is in the hospital. I won't go in to details but it wasn't good, it really wasn't good. So for the next two hours I was on the phone, finding out what was going on, where things were at with Grandma K. Finally my Beautiful Wife said the words I was waiting for and needed someone to say. "Russ, I think you need to come home." I talked with Ed and as good friends always do, he was ready to drive back to LA. He had a class on Friday too, but he was kind enough to deem my emergency, his emergency. So like the song we were "Leaving Las Vegas". I thanked him all the way home, and it still doesn't seem like I've thanked him enough. Ed did a great job of keeping my mind off of the topic at hand and on music, or whatever, you know, I was just trying really hard not to breakdown and cry in the car. We get to my house just a little after 11:30pm. Considering we left at 7:00pm, we made good time. unfortunately poor Ed still had another hour to go before he got home.
Friday Morning I went to the hospital and to see my Grandma in the ICU. Again, I won't go into detail, those of you that have visited loved ones in the ICU know what it looks like, and those of you that haven't, well I'm happy for you. Its not the kind of place you want to hang out in. But that is exactly what we did. For the next four days, we were either at the hospital or at my Mom and Dads house. It's amazing how every moment was painful, yet it was all a blur. The days melted into each other, and I had a hard time keeping them straight all week. Strange enough early on during this time, I discovered something. I could never be a professional photographer. By now you know I love photography. As I watched my Granddad K kissing my Grandma K while she lay in the ICU, it was real and truly beautiful moment in life. However I couldn't of taken the shot. I couldn't take a shot that would of caused the family so much pain to see later, and I didn't want to take a photo of her in that condition. The next day we talked as a family and all decided we didn't want any photos of her like that.
You try to be strong, for yourself and those around you, family, friends, but somehow I still ended up being the cliche` of the distressed family member crying in the parking lot of the hospital. I must say that through this whole experience, my Beautiful Wife as amazing, supportive and caring of not only me, but my whole family. She would visit Grandma K during the day, and evenings with me and when I went to work, she would still visit her during the day.
Yesterday, I left work early to go to the eye doctor. I had that wonderful experience of getting my eyes dilated. After coming home I took a little nap. (What else could I do it, wasn't like I could see anything.) Around 5:30pm, I started getting really antsy, I felt like I needed to go visit Grandma K. The day before she had been moved from the hospital to a hospice facility that was closer to my house. So I started getting ready to go, it was taking longer than usually, because of my eyes. But I figured I'd be ready by 6:00pm and that would be soon enough. At 5:53pm that house phone rings, now I never answer the house phone, my Beautiful Wife does, 30 second later my Dad calls my mobile phone. On different phones at the same time my Beautiful Wife and I learned that my Grandma K had passed away. After a week of struggling and fighting her body had lost the battle. And now we are at a loss. My Wife and I rush over to the hospice and into her room. A few minutes later my Dad and Granddad K are there too, as well as a family friend. We stroke her hair, and silently say our goodbyes. We spend the next 30 to 45 minutes calling different people and telling them, this person that we loved so dearly, and loved us too, is gone. Those were some of the hardest phone calls I've ever had to make.
It had really been an emotion rollercoaster of a week. With each test she underwent there was hope and despair and everything in between. After a week of her fighting and suffering there is some peace in knowing that she is no longer suffering, that she is in God's memory, and He will not forget her. On the other hand my heart hurts, literally and figuratively. I know it will heal in time, but it truly hurts now. Next month my Grandma and Granddad K would have been married 60 years. I hurt for Granddad and his loss. I can't even imagine how he feels. He knows that she is in God's memory too. I know that this comforts him as well.
Today was hard, but not as hard as yesterday. We did those necessary things that one has to do when a loved one dies. Again, I won't get into the details. However there is one thing I worked on today I will talk about, the program for Grandma's Memorial service. In fact I spent several hours on working on it. I wanted it to be just right. Its not easy trying to summarize such a wonderful persons life and personality in 11 X 8.5. While it was hard to do, it was also theraputic in a way. Don't get me wrong I'm not suggesting that everyone go out and do it, but it did help me and give me some closure (I hate using such a cliche` word, but I don't know of another way to put it).
Here is a little excerpt from it that lets you know what kind of person my Grandma K was in a sentence.
Grandma K never met anyone who couldn't use a hug, and she was always happy to give them one.
I miss you Grandma.